Saturday, December 17, 2005
had a really long talk wiv simin n jo last nite... 8 mths of stuff juz got retold in a night..buay tahan..cry.. sortta useless. crying onli eases e pain for awhile.. everything came back today.
really really confused.. 1 part of me dun believe all dey told me..1 part of me is juz shocked.. so basically i cant think straight rite now ..
i dun hate dem.. i dunno y.. i only hate myself.. i hate not noeing ath when every1 noes stuff.. plus..this is sumhow connected to me y shldnt i hav e right to noe? so 8 mths juz like tt..oblivious to all this shit.i hate myself for being so stupid n humiliated... bet e whole team is laughing behind our backs abt how pathetic we are at running eh..go on mock e A girls..cant believe dem..we're supposed to b a team..
but it all makes sense now... shikin was taunting me abt e Agirls when i arrived at sch ytd..i took tt lightly..den there was fanli n krystal.."eh scalli end up cannot finish e run wiv amanda".. argh y was i so stupid! bloody angry..wat a fool ive been.. look i cant help having injuries all right?
i admit we slack..but tts no excuse to do or say all those behind our backs rite? im shocked..fanli krystal.. i tot dey were frens! i cldnt believe my ears when i heard..
den simin told me..dey've been talking abt us for quite a while now.. in chinese thinking ida n sha dun understand..right behind dem. im juz shocked....tts all im feeling right now.. no hate..shocked.. throw in humiliated n stupid
den her..wat every1 said abt her juz dun make sense.. how cld she b tt person dey said? 8 mths.. n no 1 told me ath till now wth? i tot she was a really really great fren..how cld she hurt mi liddat..shes not e person dey described at all! i din start abt her tho.. i was only unhappy wiv e b gals.. din talk to AnIBODY during trg..i was non-existant.
we were talking abt sentosa..den suddenly she popped up in e convo...n i heard stuff i nvr believed she was capable of doing..i dinno tts how dey felt abt her..like i said, no 1 told me..mayb its all a lie.. i dun wanna let go of tis friendship..it was built on trust.. i wanna believe she din do all those...i wanna hear HEr side of e story n decide..but i dunno wat to believe rite now im juz so confused
this has gotta b a great big joke rite? sum1 jump out n say APRIL FOOL pls.. i nd 1 wk..clear my dumb head..get a hold on myself n start thinking properly..
wat wld happen on monday?
have u fallen in a blackholetumbling as a universe of missing stuffwat happened to e gd timeswat happened to e moments whre we had so much
i blogged @
10:07 PM
